if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
