you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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