Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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