he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
