:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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