im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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