You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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