If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
