guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
