my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
vagina is talking i cant
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
