are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
