i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
