So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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