I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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