Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
True college students do jello shots in the library
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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