Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
