Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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