Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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