i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize