I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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