I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
