Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
