I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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