I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
