I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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