is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
