Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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