Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
