There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
