she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
