y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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