I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize