if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
