Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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