After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Barsexuality is the new black.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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