Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
