she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
