You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
