on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
