Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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