just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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