the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
