im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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