I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
