Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So many bounce houses so little time
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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