I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
