did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
