Whod you bang
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
