Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Every concussion has its silver lining
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
