dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
