On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
