youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
