My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize