So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
