Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize