What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
