i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
