I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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