Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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