Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just had sex bonerless
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
